depress again

alot things happen between me and my classmates which are affecting me alot cos i need to do project with them..still and 4 more months to go b4 i have total no contacts with them.

To those who know me well, should roughly know what happen to me and them.. to those who dono, i will roughly say it out. reasons i said it here cos im really really very sad and wanna someone to share my sorrows and tears with me.

b4 i chg my new job, i talk to C alot.. we discuss about her wedding, help her out in her wedding. we are kinda close. but when i changed my job, things changed. i tends to get tired easily due to new job, more stress at work. hence when i go school, i don tends to talk as much as b4. i will like to endure my lesson till end then go home. less talks between me and C.

One day, C was talking to me in class when lecturer is talking. i told her to keep quiet and concentrate. Then one of the lesson, C keep telling me she wanna quit. it really turns me off (in terms of listening) cos im already very tired and trying hard to concentrate yet she keep grumbling away say wanna quit. i wanna quit tooo but im trying hard cos this cos is subsidised, hence if i quit, i need to compensate.

jus becos i said the word "turned it off" she felt that she talking to me turns me off, and sitting beside me without talking to me is like an idiot. hence she shifted seats. then, my classmates asking me what happen. i was so sad but i said i dono.. cos i don wish to go around telling.

Things get worst cos C go home with A, then C go ard tell the rest of the classmates. From then, the rest of my group mates (sitted 2gether) stop talking to me. Their behaviour are strange. they will communicate via paper, not letting me see.

This sem, we have 2 projects to be done in group. 1st projects, when we meet up, i give suggestions, all ignore me.. so sad. i keep quiet then. i did my contributions secretly with N, who is very neutral towards this. N told me that C told him about wat happen between me & C too.

Last friday, regarding the apple story, they don wanna share their apples with me, was pointing behind my back say don wan give me.. rather give SS than to me. Was soo hurt. Its not that I want their apple, but why must they do that to me. After class, i walk home with C who was talking to me. I causally talked about last Acct class was delay.. i din noe the class end late cos C talked too much in class, till i heard A telling S & L. C was telling me A like to gossip around. and telling all bads things about A.

Today, in class.. C went to tell A that she heard from someone that A, S, L blame C cos class end late. I was soo angry that why did she need to do this to me. She know im not in gd terms with A, S, L cos of her.. i really very sad that there's this kinda of person on earth, go around back stabbing. I was so hurt, so sad that to think i still treat her as gd friends.

I wrote " i feel outcasted in class" in my facebook. Today, S was saying OUTCAST word very sensitive. I know they are referring to me. Guess what, C is in my facebook!

Gosh~!! Im really very hurt and sad.. sobsob.. why this is happening to me...

someone please guide me through... I hate them... I hate myself... I hate myself being soo quiet, soft-spoken. Whats wrong with that??? sobsob...


What should I do? I still have a grp proj to submit in Jan 2gether with them...